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XOXO, Apnea

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Steen : the porn reviews are fab.  lol
me : thanks! hahahaha
Steen : i don't think that's what they had in mind, though.  i imagine they wanted it to be like...  "apnea got totally wet and was so excited she had to mount the nearest object which was the dvd remote, but then her juices made it malfunction and now the video plays on repeat. then she ran out into the street with a funny gait cuz the remote is BIG and begged the first man she saw driving by to jiz on her tongue...happy ending: they're in love"
Steen : HEADLINE!!  BREAKING NEWS!!  Apnea marries jiz dude from car!
Steen : woooooo!
me : can i quote you?



Rana!www.rana-x.com="Rana!">








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Review # 2

Hustler Video presents Barely Legal : Cumming of Age #2

Instead of Chase and I having a long drawn out conversation, we decided to draw out a series of
charts to tally up the amount of times the 'talent' in this movie uses certain words and phrases.
Keep in mind, we only watched two scenes in the movie. Before we started, we made
a list of words we expected to hear and we were both shocked at the final tally, I mean, how
are you gonna have an hour of porn and only hear the word "ass" once and "butt" once?
I guess there's just no predicting what would come out of these people's mouths, but we're always certain of what's going to go into them.

Here's the final breakdown.

Fuck : 57
Ass/Butt : 2
Mouth : 6
You like that? : 1
Yea/Yes : 293 (250 came from one scene alone)
Suck : 7
Cock : 10
Feels good : 6
God : 18
Cum : 4
Sexy Nipple : 1
F'Ya : 1
Ew : 5 (But that was from Chase and me)

Here are some awesome phrases that weren't on our score sheet.

"You got that juizy pussy"
"I got you"
"Please...you like my dick better"
"Thrust!"
"Woooahyo"
"Teaching your pussy some tricks, ya?"
"Ahbooblebesh!"

Overall, there were a couple of cute girls in this movie. And the foreign guy was pretty funny.
There was even a scene where he pulled his pants down to his ankles, got on his back and pulled
his feet towards his face, and said,

"You know what is the best? I show you. I got balls. Two. Oh look at that! Suck my balls."

And then when she only sucked one of them for a minute, he said, "You know, I have two of them."


I'm getting pretty good at porn reviewing. I want to send some to Ursulla and see how well she does. I have a feeling she would write something epic.

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