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XOXO, Apnea
Ugh, I love it here so much.
Picnic shot Aries and afterwards we went to a Halloween store then out to lunch. I love hanging out with her, she's really cool. Then Steen came over and picked Darenzia and me up from where I'm staying and took us back to her house for a slumber party of epic proportions. I'm in her living room right now watching Flight of the Concords and I think they're in the back room scissoring. Kidding! =D
I'm full of kappa maki and green tea. Now I'm gonna cuddle up in the big marshmallow comforter and fall asleep on the couch with the dogs dressed as chickens and lobsters. I have a big day full of big gay chili cookoffs tomorrow and I need my beauty rest.
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One of my favorite songs by one of my favorite songwriters repeats over and over, "Your history acts as your gravity..." The reason that was one of my favorite songs not only because it's beautiful but because I felt like I agreed with what he was singing. I'm happy to say that I no longer feel that way. My past is not who I am, that's who I was. It is not my identity. There is no reason for me to ever think about it. All that matters is that I am present and enjoying everything beautiful around me at this moment.
I was staring at the stars last night and got lost in the idea of eternity and infinity. It was really peaceful and in a way helped me shift my perspective on some of the ideas I've been carrying for too long about life and what I value the most about it. I've assigned too much importance to useless crap and misguided ideas about the way the world works. I gotta stop doing that.
This morning I woke up from a terrible dream. I couldn't stop thinking about it for half an hour and then suddenly I realized that it hadn't actually happened, but even if it did happen I would feel the exact same way I felt at that moment. I was punishing myself with those terrible thoughts even though nothing had happened to me. Why have I been doing this to myself for all these years? And then when these terrible thoughts manifest into reality, I'm surprised? Have I been taking crazy pills? Answer : yes. Why did it take me so long to realize that thought is not who I am, just a tool that I use...I dunno. I'd like to stop using it so much but when I do use it to use it to my advantage.
Alright, I'm done being an emo fag.
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My first shoot of the trip with the wonderful Michael Helms on top of a carport <3
They have raw food restaurants here, and those raw food restaurants package their meals and sell them at Whole Foods. I've been eating raw hummus and raw taquitos and raw brownies and I don't ever want to leave this magical place. There's no humidity and I can see the stars at night from where I'm staying and gah...I'm going to enjoy this week very much. The sun even seems more pleasant. I'm not sweating balls at night either or running from big scary bugs when I go outside.
Time to go cuddle up with my audiobook and my Picnic. I'm excited about my shoot tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have another picture to show you!
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