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XOXO, Apnea
new set on apneatic.com
When Steve emailed me this set I read the set name and laughed to myself. I'd been rubbing the rose quartz in my pocket and gazing at the obsidian pyramid on the desk earlier wondering how I was going
to make it through the rest of this month. It's also appropriate because I was scared when I was shooting those, it was my first time working with him and I couldn't figure out what was going on with my
hair or the feather thing in it so I just kept flipping it around every which way in between poses.
Sometimes when I wake up I'll turn over and catch a glare off the gold talismans we have nailed into the wall next to the bed. Then I come and sit at the desk and see Chase's lucky silver eagle sitting
beneath the fortune cookie messages we have taped up to the doorway. Superstition and paranoia make for a great collection of trinkets. Sometimes I'll get really obsessed with a particular one. Right now
it's the heart shaped rose quartz. I can't keep my hand off of it. I can't stop rubbing it against my lips when I'm reading or thinking about anything.
I always keep a planner and journal one me and update them obsessively. I use the spirals or composition notebooks that are blank just to get the thoughts out of my head, then I'll make sure to
rip out the pages once I'm finished with that thought. Those journals get down to a few pages really fast.
I'm so scared of the shoots I have coming up at the end of this month. I don't know why I get like this sometimes. I get scared that I forgot how to do it or something. At the beginning of this year I went
ahwile without shooting anything and I asked Dave Dawson if it I don't use it if I lose it, and he told me it was just like riding a bike. A few months later he left me a comment on a photo that said,
"Just like riding a bike." I love that guy to death. One of my shoots is with him and that's the only one I'm not worried about. If he can make me look decent when I'm sloppy drunk in a tunnel stumbling to
keep my balance and I'm only wearing Vans, then I'm in good hands. I'm sober now just in case you're reading my journal for the first time, I've been sober over the year for good reason.
This month will be the second time in the last six months that a cook came out of the kitchen of a restaurant to tell me he had a message for me. Each one in different cities. I can't stop thinking about
what the last one told me. I can't stop rubbing this piece of rose quartz either. My mind won't stop. I have four more packages to mail out. I booked jobs in one city, now I have to figure
out how I'm going to get there. Can't think about that, have to make it through the five I've booked already booked next week. God please give me the strength to stop my mind from racing so I can relax,
and while you're at it God, please give me the strength to rent a movie that doesn't suck so bad. The last few I've watched weren't so great. Thanks God. Love, Amanda.
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*click the picture yo*
Merry Christmas, our movie Midnight Mass is showing for free until Christmas Day.
Today is the final day of the "Lost Week", although it might have ended last night at the stroke of midnight. This morning was the first morning in the week we weren't woken up by surprise visitors or early morning phone calls.
I think it was Saturday or Sunday night that we tore apart our house to build a Christmas set, and ended up sleeping on a mattress in the dining room for three days. Chase stayed up 32 hours straight editing to get it finished in one night.
You can read more about the Lost Week and our Ronnie Dobbs neighbor HERE.
Now for something else that's a really big deal to me, I've been wanting to sell this for a long time but I finally put it up for auction tonight.
*click iiiiiit*
I hope it finds a happy home.
I'm always sucking on some kind of candy =0
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My eyes still look young but I can see my hands getting older in my photos. I can see my broken knuckles healed crooked and my veins showing more through my skin. I was told never to get my hands or neck tattooed because that's the first part of a woman's body that wrinkles, but then the other day I read a girl write about getting her hands tattooed to conceal her age. I'll probably always keep mine the way they are.
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