new set on apneatic.com
When Steve emailed me this set I read the set name and laughed to myself. I'd been rubbing the rose quartz in my pocket and gazing at the obsidian pyramid on the desk earlier wondering how I was going
to make it through the rest of this month. It's also appropriate because I was scared when I was shooting those, it was my first time working with him and I couldn't figure out what was going on with my
hair or the feather thing in it so I just kept flipping it around every which way in between poses.
Sometimes when I wake up I'll turn over and catch a glare off the gold talismans we have nailed into the wall next to the bed. Then I come and sit at the desk and see Chase's lucky silver eagle sitting
beneath the fortune cookie messages we have taped up to the doorway. Superstition and paranoia make for a great collection of trinkets. Sometimes I'll get really obsessed with a particular one. Right now
it's the heart shaped rose quartz. I can't keep my hand off of it. I can't stop rubbing it against my lips when I'm reading or thinking about anything.
I always keep a planner and journal one me and update them obsessively. I use the spirals or composition notebooks that are blank just to get the thoughts out of my head, then I'll make sure to
rip out the pages once I'm finished with that thought. Those journals get down to a few pages really fast.
I'm so scared of the shoots I have coming up at the end of this month. I don't know why I get like this sometimes. I get scared that I forgot how to do it or something. At the beginning of this year I went
ahwile without shooting anything and I asked Dave Dawson if it I don't use it if I lose it, and he told me it was just like riding a bike. A few months later he left me a comment on a photo that said,
"Just like riding a bike." I love that guy to death. One of my shoots is with him and that's the only one I'm not worried about. If he can make me look decent when I'm sloppy drunk in a tunnel stumbling to
keep my balance and I'm only wearing Vans, then I'm in good hands. I'm sober now just in case you're reading my journal for the first time, I've been sober over the year for good reason.
This month will be the second time in the last six months that a cook came out of the kitchen of a restaurant to tell me he had a message for me. Each one in different cities. I can't stop thinking about
what the last one told me. I can't stop rubbing this piece of rose quartz either. My mind won't stop. I have four more packages to mail out. I booked jobs in one city, now I have to figure
out how I'm going to get there. Can't think about that, have to make it through the five I've booked already booked next week. God please give me the strength to stop my mind from racing so I can relax,
and while you're at it God, please give me the strength to rent a movie that doesn't suck so bad. The last few I've watched weren't so great. Thanks God. Love, Amanda.
WOOOOW!! GOOD PICS!!...SALUTES FROM EL SALVADOR, CENTROAMERICAN HELLS TERRITORY!!
It sounds so strange to hear that you are nervous before this shot with Steve, as it's a great shot and you look amazing and fabulous in there.
You are a great model and I don't think you could unlearn that: talent doesn't sound like something you can forget, or lose.
Have a good, relaxed Xmas.
You are a lovely creature and I'm certain that you will do fine with these shoots. A little bit of nervousness can be used to your advantage, the butterflies the precursor to confidence, action.
It's unfortunate that you are so far away; I'd love to shoot with you one day!
You should watch the movie Moon, I really liked it. I don't think it's out for rent but you can download it.
Stress, I know thee well.
And about the modeling thing, you are one of the few models I know of that can just stand there and pull it off. I'm surprised there isn't anyone at your shoots yelling WAHBAM! every time you do something.
I'm serious. If you just stood there it would be an amazing photo.
And I love these photos. Rank very high in my fave-set-o-meter.
I hope this hectic phase passes for you.
You guys have a very Merry Christmas.
(That is the first time I've wished someone that this year. Jeez, I must be the Grinch. Well, at least I didn't steal Torri........)
Emily
I have yet to comment on anything here. Until now. You are a beautiful woman. Period. And yet the fragility shows, in your eyes, and in your posts. It's an essential part of your being, but don't let the fear paralyze you. You do amazing things. You work with amazing people. You produce amazing art. Clothed, nude, fetish, conventional, doesn't matter: it's all amazing. And you share your bright light with the rest of the world.
Bravo, Amanda. Be proud of what you do. Be strong. Be confident. And be well.
JC
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