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The Jackal sent me an email an hour ago with some drawings of me when I was in Portland at the beginning of July. That sure was a strange trip. I had a huge spider bite on my arm and The Jackal was all excited about getting Cuban on my arm and getting the poison out. I was really impressed how well he did...and then I was insane around him but he was still really nice and drew happy pictures of me. :)
Then I got another wonderful surprise from Monique Antoinette!
That was a fun shoot when I was in LA in September. I've never shot with a horse before =D
So I'm back from St. Louis and back to my computer and internet but my mind isn't all here yet.
St. Louis isn't one of my favorite places. There's nice people there but I have some pretty awful memories of that city. I ignore it when I go there to work but this time I was sober and couldn't shake the feeling I get when I'm there.
I don't know if it feels like this for other people that act or model but when I'm pretending like I'm happy or sad or scared or sexy or whatever the role is I really get into it...the same thing when I watch movies. If I watch a funny movie I'll be in a good mood for hours afterwards and I'll keep laughing. If I watch a scary movie I'll be scared all day. You get the idea...
It's a really weird feeling. My heart starts fluttering and I'll go into another world and come out where I need to be for the project. This project was a horror movie filmed in a haunted run-down elementary school shot in a boiler room where a janitor raped a student then hung himself. And I had to scream in terror and pain for two days from 2pm to 4am.
I don't watch scary movies. They scare me. I'm an idiot in that regard, either that or I'm just really sensitive. So I don't watch them, but I agreed to live in one for a week because I really love the director's work and I think he's an amazing person. So for the two days where the movie gets really fucked up and scary I had that feeling in my chest where it feels open and my heart flutters and I assimilate my fictitious character.
I watched a Jim VanBebber documentary a few nights earlier where he said, "Pain is temporary, but film is forever." And I kept that in the back of my mind when I was covered in fake blood at 4am in a 50 degree old haunted school and I had just lived through my own death in 12 different takes.
At 4:30am on the 21st I was covered in fake blood and I didn't have access to a shower but I didn't care. Chase and I had to get back to our stable enviornment as soon as possible so we drove all the way back to the farm immediately afterwards.
I'm really glad I went. I don't want to sound like I didn't have a good time, I made some new friends and it was fun to be in a movie. I guess I'm just saying that if I watch a 2 hour long scary movie and I'm out of it for a few hours afterwards..someone do the math on living in it for seven days...enough complaining.
It's almost 5am, I also need to go back to my old schedule. There's a lot I need to do and I need to do it really slowly.
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